Unfortunately, Pants

!±8± Unfortunately, Pants

When people throw things at me and call me an uncultured shit - which happens frequently while shopping, hiking, and vomiting in public - it sometimes occurs to me that they're wrong because I'm bilingual. Being bilingual is a rarity in today's America, where most people don't even speak one language, and instead manage to eke out a parody of communication through a series of grunts and gestures.

Today, I can sort of read a German magazine and can carry on a German conversation. I can sometimes follow German TV or radio. When I lived in Luxembourg in 1998, I even watched Alf in German. Get this: the German word for Alf is "Alf."

It wasn't always so rosy. I started learning German in high school, where I was taught how to tell people my name, how to ask where the disco was, and how to inquire as to whether or not Mrs. Schmidt was at home. At first, I didn't understand everything. I didn't get that when my teacher said "Pass auf," she was requesting our attention rather than our unconsciousness. But it got easier, and I slugged through it. By the time I graduated high school, I was able to determine the whereabouts of the train to Berlin, what Wolfgang and Helga were doing after school, and at what time we would be invading Poland.

So, when I got to college, I was okay but not great. I figured I'd take my required two more quarters of German language, and then begin the arduous process of forgetting all of it.

College German required a lot of partner work, and my partner was a freshman named Jim. We were told to introduce ourselves to each other over and over and to tell each other our ages and to inquire whether or not the other liked sauerbraten. When we learned a new construction, we were told to create sentences using that construction. If we didn't know how to say something, we were allowed to ask, but had to do it in German using the phrase 'Wie sagt man...?" It all made me mentally tired - as if I was going to pass auf.

Once, deep in the midst of an assignment on relative pronoun phrases, we walked over to our T.A. to ask a question.

"Ja?" she said.

"Wie sagt man 'pistol-whip'?"

She didn't understand, so I pretended to beat Jim with the butt of an imaginary revolver before repeating the question.

" 'Mit einer Pistole schlagen.' "

Jim tried it out in German. " 'The man, who is wearing the blue hat, is pistol-whipping Tony Danza.' " He nodded. I thanked the T.A. and walked away.

More questions arose as we continued with the assignment. "Wie sagt man 'flesh-eating bacteria'?" Jim asked later.

"Wie sagt man 'break-dancing fiasco'?"

"Wie sagt man "David Bowie's hairdo'?"

By the end of the session, we were turned around on the German language. We were further turned around when the T.A. brought in a popular German CD for our listening enjoyment. On the cover were four very white people in ostentatious studded sunglasses and various ridiculous hats - a hip-hop group by the name of "Die Fantastischen Vier," or "The Fantastic Four."

"Isn't that a group of superheroes?" Jim asked.

The album turned out to be brilliant, and thanks to my increased skills, I was able to easily translate the lyrics ("The Smudo, the Smudo, I am the Smudo. I don't know Karate and I don't know Judo."), which made me feel smart. I took the borrowed DFF album to the deli I worked at and played it loudly and proudly.

My boss, Ryan, was intrigued. He said that he only knew two German words. One was "dankeschön" (which he, like everyone else, mispronounced as "dunka-shane") and the other was "lederhosen."

"What does that mean, anyway?" he asked.

I knew that "hosen" meant pants, but the other half of the word had me mystified. So I pulled out my dictionary and looked it up.

"Here it is," I told him, running my finger down the page. "It means 'unfortunately.' "

"So 'lederhosen' means 'unfortunately, pants'?" he said.

"I guess."

"As in, someone puts pants on their head instead of a hat and you point out their error by saying, 'Excuse me, but unfortunately... pants.' "
I agreed that this was odd, so I asked my T.A. She was still afraid of me after the pistol-whipping incident but informed me that although "leider" did in fact mean "unfortunately," "leder," which was correct, meant "leather."

"Dunker-shane." I told her.

Her wariness of Jim and me did not improve with time. We were scheduled later in the day to perform a dialogue for the class about a campus issue. We had chosen the oft-lamented parking problem.

"There aren't enough parking spots here," I began, speaking in German.

"Yes. Yes there are not," Jim agreed.

"There should be more."

"Yes. Yes there should."

"What if there was less parking?"

"That would be unfortunately," Jim said, capitalizing on what we had learned about leiderhosen.

"But," I pointed out, "that would mean more room for a..." I paused, then turned to the T.A. "Wie sagt man 'Taco Bell'?"

" 'Taco Bell,'" she answered.

"That would mean more room for a Taco Bell," I told Jim.

"We should no parking places, and Taco Bell make," Jim agreed.

"But what of the commuters?"

Jim rubbed his chin. "They need parking places?"

"They need."

"We could kill all of the commuters," he suggested, nodding.

"But what would we do with the bodies?"

"We could throw them in the river."

"Ah," I said, nodding back. "Yes. Let us eat tacos."

We looked to the T.A. when we had finished. After a silent pause, she slowly offered one criticism. "When you talk about throwing the bodies into the river," she explained, "you should say 'in den Fluß,' not 'in dem Fluß.' Using dative case implies that you aren't throwing bodies into the river, but are instead standing in the river and tossing them around."

"That's what we meant," I said.

"Like a Frisbee," Jim added, doing a pantomime for emphasis.

By the time I went to Luxembourg, I was set. I knew how to explain my tossing of bodies. I knew about Die Fantastischen Vier. And fortunately, I knew about my unfortunate pants. Which is pretty essential to getting the attention of Germans, as it turns out.

Unfortunately, Pants

Technomarine Watch Bands Best Purchasing Splendid Clothes Coupon Worx Leaf Mulcher

TOP 10 Best Surround Sound Home Theater Systems To Buy

!±8± TOP 10 Best Surround Sound Home Theater Systems To Buy

www.amazon.com New 5.1 Multimedia Powered Home Theater Surround Sound Speaker System TS512 TOP 10 Best Surround Sound Home Theater Systems To Buy New 5.1 Multimedia Powered Home Theater Surround Sound Speaker System TS512 www.amazon.com Panasonic SC-BT235 Blu-ray Disc 1000W Home Theater Sound System with True Cinema Surround and Advanced Bamboo Cone Speaker - Full HD 1080p Playback www.amazon.com Sony HTSF470 Blu-ray Disc Matching Surround Sound Home Theater System (Black) www.amazon.com Electrohome ELE-HTB920E 5.1 Channel Surround Sound Home Theater Speaker System with HD 1080p Upconverting DVD Player & AM/FM Digital Radio www.amazon.com Sony HT-SS370 Surround Sound Home Theater System, Black www.amazon.com SLS Q-Line Gold 650w 5.1 Surround Sound Home Theater System www.amazon.com Paradigm Cinema 90 CT 5.1 Home Theater Surround Sound System (Black) www.amazon.com Paradigm Cinema 110 CT 5.1 Home Theater Surround Sound System (Black) www.amazon.com Frisby Home Theater 5.1 Surround Sound Speakers System-Gaming, DTV, PC, SOUND www.amazon.com Samsung HT-Z310T 5.1-Channel Home Theater Surround Sound System (Set of Seven, Black) www.amazon.com TOP 10 Best Surround Sound Home Theater Systems To Buy

TOP 10 Best Surround Sound Home Theater Systems To Buy

Order Gun Safes Biometric Angelcare Monitor

Frisby Wireless Surround Sound Systems

!±8± Frisby Wireless Surround Sound Systems

wireless-surround-sound-systems.org Frisby Wireless Surround Sound Systems allows you to place the component speakers and subwoofer in your living room without the visibility of hanging stereo wires

Frisby Wireless Surround Sound Systems

Best Prices Hemp Cloth Diapers Wholesale Headset Tritton

Frisby Wireless 5.1 Surround Sound Home Theater (FS-85805WU)

!±8± Frisby Wireless 5.1 Surround Sound Home Theater (FS-85805WU)

Brand : Frisby | Rate : | Price :
Post Date : Sep 25, 2011 03:01:07 | Usually ships in 1-2 business days

With Frisby FS-85805WU 2.4 Ghz RF Wireless 5.1 Channel Home Theater System, your home music options have never been better. The Frisby FS-85805WU optimizes wireless high frequency RF technology to achieve the best quality in-home audio experience possible. The system includes a center channel and 4 tower satellite speakers and produces rich bass, powerful midrange and crystal clear highs. The system is Digital AC-3 5.1 ready with HQ BASS technology for intense low frequency response.FS-85085WU has an optical input and is specially designed to support surround sound connection for gaming systems like PS2, PS3, Xbox, Gamecube and WII. The PS2 and PS3 game consoles already comes with optical inputs, however Xbox, Wii and other game consoles might require an optical adapter to convert from stereo sound to surround sound. Playing your games in surround sound is a life time experience that you won't forget. Please make sure your game has been designed in 5.1 or 7.1 Mode otherwise, games recorded in stereo mode will only produce stereo sound, not surround sound.FS-85085WU delivers Powerful Total of 160 Watt RMS and 5000 Watt PMPO amplified subwoofer with ported wood enclosure consists of high gloss front panel piano finish and full magnetic shielding. Wireless Rear Speakers uses high frequency 2.4 Ghz RF technology to eliminate the need for wires running from the front of the room to the rear. This model features an LCD display and front panel controls for ease of use. A stylish Infrared remote control is included for user convenience. Multiple inputs enable easy connection for up to 8 audio sources. 2 pairs of RCA Auxillaries support stereo devices, 6 RCA for surround sound, Coaxial for composite signals, an Optical port to support surround sound, and USB/SD Memory Card Slots for MP3 or WMA songs.

• 5.1 or Stereo RCA, 2-Auxillary, Optical / Coaxial and USB/SD Connections
• Perfect for TV, DVD or Game Consoles (PS3,PS2,XBOX) equipped with optical inputs
• Also Great System for PC, Laptops has 5.1 Sound Card or optical input
• 2.4 Ghz Rear Two Wireless Satellites Tower Speakers
• Innovation design by Frisby Digital DTS AC-3 5.1 ready with HQ BASS technology

Xantrex Inverters Save You Money! Ironman Elite 1770 Recumbent Bike Buy Online Canon Ink Absorber Full Reviews

Frisby FS-5007 5.1 Surround Sound Computer Speaker

!±8±Frisby FS-5007 5.1 Surround Sound Computer Speaker

Brand : Frisby
Rate :
Price :
Post Date : Sep 19, 2011 21:36:02
Usually ships in 1-2 business days

If you love to play games or just listen music in your COMPUTER with an high quality audio system or simply just like to improve your TV life style with quality true surround sound speakers then stop looking..., this fashionable designed Frisby FS-5007, 5.1 True Surround Sound System is what is you are looking for. Powerful subwoofer w/5 amplified speakers, Power, Volume, Bass, Mute Tone, 5.1 ch input, Stereo input, Mode, Up Vol., Down Vol., Power control systems, and a very loud crystal clear consistent sound quality that you probably won't even need it ,along with an unbeatable price. Stop paying too much for Boss, Logitech, or JBL. Frisby FS-5015 is a high end surround sound system and worth every penny and has convenience to delivery to your home, you won't be disappointed. FOR COMPUTERS AND LAPTOPS: In order to use this system in your computer or laptop, make sure you PC has 5.1 or higher sound card. FOR GAME CONSULES: Just plug in the Frisby FS-5015 using the convenient video game console adapter or through your TV and immerse yourself in the explosions, music, and dialogue of your favorite games. Most game consoles do not have 5.1 channel audio input, so you might have to have a tuner or a receiver.FOR TV: Most TV has only 2 audio inputs (Left/Right) and that is not enough to generate surround sound. Surround sound required at least three audio inputs (left/right/center) thus you will need to have a tuner or a receiver or a DVD player that has 5.1 channel audio input to use this system in your TV.

Electric Pole Chain Saw Buy Online Cheaper Little Dog Remote Trainer

Top 10 surround speakers - Best Products 2011

!±8± Top 10 surround speakers - Best Products 2011

Surround speakers buyer reviews, tips and free surround sound speakers discount of up to 53% of the Amazon region. # 01 Logitech Z-5500 THX-certified 5.1 # 02 Logitech G51 Surround Sound Speaker www.amazon.com System 5.1 Electrohome ELE HTB920E www.amazon.com # 03 # 04 Pure 5.1 channel www.amazon.com Resonance Audio Mini Cube Speaker 2.5 MC2.5B www.amazon.com # 05 Frisby Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound Speaker System www.amazon.com # 06 Logitech X-540 Surround Sound Speakers # 07 www.amazon.comNew 5.1 Multimedia Home Theater Powered www.amazon.com www.amazon.com # 08 New 5.1 Multimedia Powered # 09 Logitech X-540 5.1 Surround Sound Speaker No www.amazon.com Logitech Z506 surround sound speakers 10 www.amazon.com

Top 10 surround speakers - Best Products 2011

!8!# Catalog Kitchenaid Hand Blender Brand New Thermador Dual Fuel Range Cuisinart Electric Fondue Set Immediately

!±8± Unique, 7.2 Dual Woofer USB/SD/Radio Home Theater System (FS-7200UF), Computer, PC, TV, MP3, Gaming, Speaker System

Brand : Frisby | Rate : | Price :
Post Date : Sep 11, 2011 10:47:39 | Usually ships in 1-2 business days

Unique, 7.2 Dual Woofer USB/SD/Radio Home Theater System (FS-7200UF), Computer, PC, TV, MP3, Gaming, Speaker System

• 7.2 CH Dual Subwoofer Surround Sound Home Theater Speakers System
• Dual Powerful Subwoofer, FM Radio and 2 Auxillary Audio Outputs
• USB and SD memory slot to play MP3 & WMA songs directly from woofer
• Compatible with any brand or style PC,CD,DVD,MP3,IPOD or TV including Plasma and LCD
• 4500 Watt PMPO (Peak Power) and 220 Watt RMS (Actual Power)

More Specification..!!

Unique, 7.2 Dual Woofer USB/SD/Radio Home Theater System (FS-7200UF), Computer, PC, TV, MP3, Gaming, Speaker System

Oakley Snowboarding Jackets Buy Online !8!# Promotion Fan Light Heater